Getting
married is one of the great Sunnahs of Rasulullah (saw). However, it
recently struck me that not just is it a sunnah in itself, but also that
it opens up the door to many others as well. There are many other sunan
which only married people can act on, and which single people are
deprived of. Below are just a few of them.
May
Allah ta’ala grant all married people, by virtue of acting on these
things, a blissful, loving and lasting relationship; and may He make it
easy for all of us singletons to get married, so that we can implement
them as well.
(Note: don’t forget to read the ahadith at the end. That’s the most important part!)
1) Greet her.
2) Convey salams to her from others.
3) Smile at her.
4) Make dua for her.
5) Honour her friends, even after her death. Send them food from a sacrifice.
6) Eat from the same plate.
7) Drink from the same place where she places her mouth, and eat from the same place where she places her mouth.
8 ) Put a morsel of food in her mouth.
9) Let her comb your hair.
10) Recite Qur’an, while resting your head in her lap.
11) Take a ghusl with her from a single container.
12) Teach and advise her in a gentle manner.
13) Go racing with her and let her win. Later, when she puts on weight, race with her again and beat her.
14) Call her by an endearing nickname.
15) Wipe away her tears.
16) Heed her advice.
17) Take her with you on long journeys. If you have more than one wife, let them cast lots to decide who gets to go.
18) Spend time with her in entertainment, and stay with her until she is satisfied.
19) Let her spend time with her friends.
20) Give her time to adorn herself before going to her for intimacy.
21) Do not go to her in the manner of animals.
22)
Make this dua before being intimate with her: Bismillah. Allahumma
jannibnash shaitaan, wa jannibish shaitaana maa razaqtanaa.
23) Wake her up to make salah at night. If she doesn’t get up, sprinkle water on her face.
Specifically on the wedding night
24)
Let her pray two raka’at salah behind you and then make this dua:
Allahumma baarik lee fee ahlee wa baarik lahum fiyya. Allahummarzuqhum
minnee warzuqnee minhum. Allahummajma’ bainanaa maa jama’ta ilaa
khairin, wa farriq bainanaa idhaa farraqta ilaa khairin.
25)
Place your hands on her head and make this dua: Allahumma innee
as-aluka khairahaa wa khaira maa jabaltahaa ‘alaih; wa a’oodhu bika min
sharrihaa wa min sharri maa jabaltahaa ‘alaih.
26) Give her some milk to drink
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(1):
The Prophet (saw) went to the chamber of ‘Ā’ishah (ra) and said,
“Assalamu alaikum Ahlal Bait, wa rahmatullah.” She replied, “Wa ‘alaikas
salaam wa rahmatullah. Kaifa wajadta ahlak? Baarakallahu lak.” Hewent
to all his other wives saying the same thing, and they replied in the
same way. (Sahih Bukhari)
The
Prophet (saw) said, “You will not enter Paradise until you believe; and
you will not believe until you love one another. Should I not guide you
to something which, if you do it, will cause you to love on another?
Spread the greeting of salaam among you.” (Sahih Muslim)
(2):
The Prophet (saw) told ‘Ā’ishah (ra), “O Aish! This is Jibreel
conveying salaam to you.” She replied, “And upon him be peace and the
mercy of Allah. You see that which I do not.” (Sahih Bukhari)
(3):
Jarir ibn ‘Abdullah (ra) related that ever since he accepted Islam, the
Prophet (saw) never saw him, except that he smiled at him. (Sahih
Bukhari) If he smiled at his Companions (ra), he would have smiled at
his wives (ra) as well.
He :saw: also said, “Your smiling at your brother counts as a charity for you.” (Sunan Tirmidhi)
(4):
‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “Once, when I saw the Prophet (saw) in a good
mood, I requested him, ‘O Messenger of Allah! Make dua to Allah for me.’
He responded, ‘O Allah! Forgive ‘Ā’ishah her past and future sins, and
her private and public sins.’ She then laughed so much that her head
fell into her lap. He asked her, ‘Does my dua make you happy?’ ‘And why
shouldn’t it make me happy?’ she replied. He said, ‘By Allah! Indeed, it
is my dua for my ummah in every salah.’” (Majma’ Zawa’id)
(5):
‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “I was never jealous towards any of the other
wives of the Prophet :saw: as I was jealous towards Khadijah, even
though I never saw her. However, he used to mention her often. Often
when he sacrificed a sheep, he would cut it into pieces and send them to
Khadijah’s friends. I would often say to him, ‘It is as if there was
only Khadijah in the world!’ He would say, ‘She was as she was and I had
children from her.’” (Sahih Bukhari)
(6):
‘Ikrash ibn Dhu’ayb related, “We were brought a platter with a large
amount of tharid and slices of boneless meat and I plunged in my hand in
from all directions, but the Messenger of Allah (saw) ate what was in
front of him. He seized my right hand with his left and said, ‘Eat from
one place, ‘Ikrash, for it is all one kind of food.’ Afterwards we were
brought a plate containing various kinds of dates and I began to eat
what was in front of me while the hand of Allah’s Messenger (saw) went
round on the plate. He then said, ‘Eat where you wish, ‘Ikrash, for it
is not all one kind.’” (Sunan Tirmidhi)
(7):
‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “I drank something while I was menstruating. I
then passed it to the Prophet (saw) and he placed his mouth at the place
where my mouth had been. And I ate meat from a bone while I was
menstruating. I then passed it to the Prophet (saw) and he placed his
mouth at the place where my mouth had been.” (Sahih Muslim)
(8):
The Prophet (saw) told Sa’d (ra), “Indeed, O Sa’d, you will never spend
anything, desiring thereby the Countenance of Allah Most High, except
that you will be rewarded for it, even for the morsel of food which you
place in your wife’s mouth.” (Musnad Ahmad)
(9): ‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “I used to comb the hair of the Messenger of Allah (saw) while I was menstruating.” (Sahih Bukhari)
(10):
‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “The Prophet (saw) used to lean on my lap while I
was menstruating, and then he would recite the Qur’an.” (Sahih Bukhari)
(11):
‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “I and the Prophet (saw) used to take a ghusl
from a single container, for purification from janabah.” (Sahih Bukhari)
(12):
Anas ibn Mālik (ra) related that the Jews entered upon the Prophet
(saw) and said, “Death be upon you.” The Prophet :saw: replied, “Death
be upon you.” ‘Ā’ishah then said, “Death be upon you, O brothers of apes
and pigs, and the curse of Allah and His Anger.”
He
then said, “O ‘Ā’ishah, stop.” “O Messenger of Allah, did you not hear
what they said?” she protested. He replied, “Did you not hear what I
replied to them? O ‘Ā’ishah, gentleness never enters anything, except
that it beautifies it; and it is not removed from anything, except that
it disfigures it.” (Musnad Ahmad)
(13):
‘Ā’ishah (ra) accompanied the Prophet (saw) on a trip. They were at the
back of the group and heard the guides in front calling them and others
to move faster. The Prophet (saw) challenged her to a race and she beat
him.
Later,
on another trip, he challenged her again. This time he beat her. She
said that she was slender when she beat the Prophet (saw). When she put
on weight, he knew he was going to beat her and therefore he challenged
her the second time. (Musnad Ahmad)
(14): The Prophet (saw) would call ‘Ā’ishah (ra) ‘Ā’ish (without the taa-marbutah at the end) as well as Humairaa’ (the small, fair one). See footnotes (2) and (18).
(15):
Safiyyah (ra) was traveling with the Prophet (saw) and it was her turn
to do so. She was slow in walking. The Prophet (saw) received her while
she was crying, and she said, “You gave me a slow camel.” Seeing that,
the Prophet (saw) wiped her eyes with his hands and consoled her. (Sunan
Nasa’i)
(16):
The Prophet (saw) agreed to the conditions set by the Quraish in the
Treaty of Hudaibiyah. One of them was that the Muslims would not be
allowed to perform ‘Umrah that year. So the Prophet (saw) ordered the
Sahabah (ra) to sacrifice their animals and shave their heads (to go out
of the state of ihraam), but not a single one of them did so. He
repeated his command three times but still they did not do it. So he
went to Umm Salamah (ra) and told her what had happened. She advised him
to go out and, without saying a word to anyone, sacrifice his animal
himself and have his head shaved. He did so and when the Sahabah (ra)
saw that, they all followed his example. (Sahih Bukhari)
(17):
‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “Whenever the Messenger of Allah (saw) intended
to go on a journey, he would draw lots among his wives and would take
with him the one upon whom the lot fell. During a battle which he went
on, he drew lots among us and the lot fell upon me, and so I went with
him. This was after Allah had decreed the use of the veil by women.”
(Sahih Bukhari)
(18):
‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “Some Abyssinians entered the masjid and started
playing there. The Prophet (saw) asked me, ‘O Humairaa’, would you like
to watch them?’ ‘Yes,’ I replied. He then stood at the door by himself;
I placed my chin on his shoulder and rested my face on his cheek. Part
of what they said that day was, ‘The father of Qasim is a good person.’
He then asked me, ‘Have you had enough?’ I replied, ‘Don’t be hasty, O
Messenger of Allah.’ So he stood there for me. Later he asked again,
‘Have you had enough?’ I replied, ‘Don’t be hasty, O Messenger of
Allah.’ ‘Ā’ishah (ra) added, ‘I did not want to watch them, but I loved
to make the other women aware of his standing there for me, and the
regard he had for me.’” (Ahkaamun Nazar)
(19):
‘Ā’ishah (ra) related that she was playing with some dolls near the
Prophet (saw). She said, “My friends came to me, but then left out of
shyness of the Messenger of Allah (saw). He then sent for them to come
to me.” (Sahih Muslim)
(20):
Jabir ibn ‘Abdullah (ra) related, “We went for a battle with the
Prophet (saw) and I was riding on my camel. Someone followed me from
behind and began urging on my camel with a stick; it went forward
quickly, faster than the best of camels. The Prophet (saw) asked, ‘Why
you are in hurry?’. I replied, ‘I got married recently.’ He asked, ‘Is
she a maiden or not?’. I replied, ‘She is not’. He asked, ‘Wouldn’t it
have been better to marry a young girl, so that you could have fun with
one other?.’ Then, when I went to consummate the marriage, the Prophet
(saw) said, ‘Wait until night (i.e. after Isha’) so that the bride can
comb her hair and get ready.’ (Sahih Bukhari)
(21):
The Prophet (saw) said, “One of you should not fall upon his wife like
an animal does; let there be a messenger between them.” He was asked,
“And what is the messenger?” He replied, “Kissing and talking.”
(Daylami)
(22): The
Prophet (saw) said, “Indeed, if one of you says, when going to his
wives, ‘In the Name of Allah. O Allah! Keep shaitaan away from us, and
keep him away from that which you grant us,’ and they are then granted a
child, shaitaan will not harm him.” (Sahih Bukhari)
(23):
The Prophet (saw) said, “May Allah have mercy on a man who stands up at
night and prays, and wakes his wife up to pray; and if she refuses, he
sprinkles water on her face. May Allah have mercy on a woman who stands
up at night and prays, and wakes her husband up to pray; and if he
refuses, she sprinkles water on his face.” (Sunan Abu Dawud)
(24):
A man from Bajilah came to ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (ra) and said, “Indeed,
I have married a virgin and I fear that she will find me repugnant.”
‘Abdullah said, “Indeed, affection is from Allah, and repugnance is from
Shaitaan who wants you to hate one another. So when you enter upon her,
let her to pray two raka’at behind you. Then say, ‘O Allah, bless my
family for me, and bless me for them. O Allah, grant them rizq from me,
and grant me rizq from them. O Allah, unite us in goodness; and if You
separate us, separate us in goodness.’” (Majma’ Zawa’id)
(25):
The Prophet (saw) said, “If one of you marries a woman or buys a
servant, he should say, ‘O Allah, indeed I ask You for her goodness, and
the goodness of the inborn dispositions which You have given her; and I
seek Your protection from her evil, and the evil of the inborn
dispositions which You have given her.’ And when he buys a camel, he
should take hold of the highest part of its hump and say the same
thing.” One of the narrators added, “He should take hold of her forelock
and make dua for barakah in his wife and servant.” (Sunan Abu Dawud)
(26):
Asma’ bint Yazeed (ra) said, “I adorned ‘Ā’ishah (ra) for her wedding
night. The Prophet (saw) came to her side and brought a big cup of milk
from which he drank and then presented to her, but she blushed and
lowered her head.” (Musnad Ahmad)